The Genderpretender & the Handjob

A while back I got my grubby hands on a beautiful Ibis Mojo. My Mojo really opened up my riding and allowed me to get into much more trouble than I had previously been able to on hardtails. Everything just got easy. I became both an Ibis and a carbon fan.

But I still love hardtails. Singlespeed ones especially. The lustiest I’d ever lusted after was Tim ‘Adonis’ Wildman’s Ibis Tranny which he’d won the SS Nats on. When he gave me the whisper that it was looking for a new owner, I sold everything that wasn’t nailed down at Aldred Mansions and grabbed it. After buying the Mojo it was tough to find things that were not nailed down which could be sold. The two highest value items in the house had heartbeats and I didn’t think I could get away with that, but I got there in the end.

The Tranny is Ibis’ hardtail/singlespeed/travel bike. I’ll probably never use the travel bike feature, which is where the back end comes off to enable fitting into a normal suitcase. But the singlespeed functionality I use pretty much all the time. There is a joint acting as a pivot below the seat collar on the seatstay. Then behind the bottom bracket there is a “Slot Machine” which is where the action happens. You loosen one bolt, gently push down on the bike, which extends the chainstays via the Slot Machine. Check chain tension. Tighten bolt. By far the easiest SS tensioning I’ve come across. Totally creak free too and no loosening.



The frame is awesome. Big fat carbon tubes and smooth lines, a lot like the Mojo. It has neat removable cable stops to clean it up when not running gears and the SS dropout (which I am yet to get) has a bottle opener, because we all know from the plethora of bottle openers on SS bikes, that all SS riders take glass beer bottles into the hills and crack them open on their bikes.

I built it up with a shortish stem for an ‘XC’ bike – a 70mm Thomson, and it keeps the steering nice and nippy and is great on the steep stuff. Its got a nice wide Sunline flat bar too. I think hardtails look more business-like with flat bars. Its got some Hope hubs with Flows. People scoffed at my heavy rims, but I wanted bomber strong and uber stiff wheels which could jump and get thrown about a bit. The Flows are not heavy anyway. They just look heavy next to very light Stans rims like Crests and wotnot. I am not even allowed on some of the lad's wheels as I weigh over 80kg. That is just wrong.

She/he has a straight 2:1 gear. Its is sometimes a little tall around Wellington, but making it easier would mean tossing in a man card and I don’t want to do that. So it’s a strong build, not a weight weenie build, although the light frame would certainly enable a low weight build if it was my thing.





I banged some gears on it the other day for the Porirua Grand Traverse and it was the fastest bike I’ve ever raced. Although the only other decent hardtail I’ve raced was a 1999 S-Works, so things have come quite a way! I looked forward to taking the gears off though to reveal its true beauty again. Although no sooner than I did so, Boner Toner whisked it off to Keith Manor, put stripes on it and raced it at the SS Nats in Napier. Tones got a fine 5th place which was fantastic.
Credit - BluedogSS Facebook. Thanks

She/he is a mint ride. Its hard to say if She/he is my favourite over the Mojo. It depends on the day. I love how stiff the Tranny is when giving it the beans. I stamp and she goes and goes.

Is owning two Ibis bikes enough? Haha, I lol at you – of course it is not enough. So what is it I want now? An HD? The new SL-R? Maybe a Hakkaluggi for the Crosstafarian's Wellington CX series?

No. I want Simon Kennett’s early 90’s Ibis steel tandem.

Simon and I ended up on the same initiative/workshop the other day around the relationship between buses and cyclists in Wellington. The wily, wiry fellow bought along an extremely rare Ibis tandem. I made my starting bid at an insulting $500, hoping maybe Simon didn’t actually know anything about bikes. But it turned out that Simon has some knowledge of these maters and he lolled at my offer. By the end of the session I had upped my offer to about $1,500 for this ancient iron horse, but he was still not budging.






If I come into any money I will be straight round to Kennett Mansions with my next offer. I need that bike and it needs a good restoration and Simon is too much of a hippy to do it. He would probably cover it with something sustainable like hemp paste and bits of vegetable.

Just look at the wonderful handjob. Snakes alive – it is too marvellous to even bear witness to without weeping.

After all this lyrical waxing you could be mistaken for thinking I was sponsored by Ibis or something. But alas no. Ibis (and Santa Cruz) bikes are bought into NZ by Mike at Hyperformance Hardware, and he mostly supports athletes rather than Whopper scoffing, chubby weekend warriors. Mike is an excellent ambassador for his brands and has been brilliant at dishing out all the right advice to me on many occasions. Thanks, Mike!

See you on the trails (every few weeks when I get a chance).

Cheers
Dave