Nipplegate shocker

Where o where have the ends of my poor nipples gone. The poor lil buggars got rubbed raw at the Karapoti. Gawdamn do they hurt.

So after the mudfest of Nelson, I thought we'd have got the wet races out of the way. Yeah but no, it was not to be, and the rain slayed down upon the Karapoti the day before the race, and indeed up til near the start.
Race day started nice and early picking up Cam, then Al and Ed and heading out the the Burkes Lovebus to the track. Plan was to get there early, get a good park, etc etc. turns out everyone else had the same idea, gutted, thwarted even!!!!
But we set up out tent so we had somewhere dry to sift for a bit, set out bits up ( I tuck to the left, personal choice). Ed, Al and I, all lubed our legs up nice and shiny. Bit of a sift, bit of shit-talk, and a bit of warming up saw us at the start line.
Lots and lots of people lined up in the open class. Including a heap of people that didn't have a shit show chance in hell of pulling a sub 3. And the retards were all crowding the front. For fucks sake, if your going to be arrogant enuff to start in the open class, at least let teh fast boys to the front so we don't have to deal with all your cockknockers making it even harder for us. And all the fast boys being 3/4 the way across the river before the start, cheeky fuckers. So thru the mad melee at the start, and winding the way thru all the wannabee's that really had no right being there at all we got into it. Thru the concrete blocks near the top of the gorge and the 2nd bunch was way grouped up and the pace was a bit weak. So I forced thru to the front and rode off, some went with, but looking back it really stretched the group out. Into the first wee climb at the top of the gorge and chainsuck, "oh for frikksake, not all ready" (several more swearwords may have been edited out) By the time I unstuck and ran up the wee climb, 2nd bunch was gone and I was in the next lot. Middle ring was sucking every now and then, which was annoying beyond belief, so I was using big ring a lot. I was at the front of our wee group coming into the warm up climb, and shifted into granny, and started up the climb, and.............chainsuck, for crying out loud. out came the lube, and a liberal coating. Back on the bike and climbing steadily, after the first wee pinch, the back pain was starting to kick in quite a lot. side note* on the tuesday I woke up and could barely move as my back was throwing a big wobbly at me, so for most of the week I was on anti-flammes and seeing the physio. Which all helped immensly, but still *side note off*
Kept going over the top and ripped down the loose DH into the creek, pulling a sweet pass as I went. Climbing might have been a struggle, but with the new fork, it was sweet as going down.
Going up Deadwood I didn't get any chainsuck in granny thank god, but the back was definitely limiting me. Didn't have full power, and the pain was just sapping my energy and will. But I did ride everything. The last really steep pinch, I was just muttering to myself "keep riding, this is the last steep bit, keep fucking riding, keep fucking riding" It worked, cos I kept riding. On the last few wee rollers to the cloustenville turnoff I got a few wee chainsucks in granny. This was not fun. Stuck it in teh dog and grinded up some ups for a bit, but had to drop it down to granny, and then more chainsuck. Lubed the chain once more, and kept riding, middle was the worst culprit, so I was studiously avoiding using it, rode some more in the dog which amused Jeff lyall no end. I caught Al at the top of the Uphill rock garden, and he was having more troubles with chainsuck than I was, and at the rate that I dropped him, surely must have been walking all the downhills. With some down coming, my mojo seemed to filter back a bit and I got some pace in, and the back was not hurting as much as it had been, so I put time into those behind me. Into the rock garden and I ripped down until the soap rock section, whereupon I came across Angry. He was smack bang on a line and I was semi dubious about it anyway, so to help his confidence I got off and ran, I personally think it was faster in that section (on a HT anyway), but soon got back on and rocked the brraap factor right up. Caught up to a whippersnapper, but he went left on a wrong line and I nailed the correct one, and pinned 'er again. the old arms were feeling a bit at the bottom, as was the back. But hey the 'Poti is all about the suffering right. Up the Staircase and I carried my bike the first 2-3 steps. Wasn't fast tho as the back was definitly hindering me quite badly at this point. Super Garth came past me like a rocket. Up past Craig Madsen who was taking great delight in capturing people suffering on camera. Quite a few people caught and passed me up the staircase, as I was struggling quite badly with the pain. Was getting chainsuck annoyingly so on the peddable bits as well, and for only the 5th time out of 39, I didn't make it up the last pinch. I was quite guttd about that. So whilst I greived over that, I lubed my chain once again. Nick K had caught and just passed me at the top as well. so I rode not too far behind him for a while, with Mike Hunn from OYB dangling in front as well. As soon as we got a wee down bit, the ag set in, and I wound the wick on a bit and ripped past Mr hunn and some others on a wee rocky descent. Put it in the dog and closed up on Dr Nick. Went passed him saying I'd see him on Dopers when he caught me, as I was expecting to be well in the pain box going up there.

As soon as big Ring started proper, My bellyfull of Aggro and the big wheels started to rip. I pretty much opened the taps right up, and let rip. My old pace was back and I flew down, I was having a great time. Into the creek at the bottom and I stopped to clean the drivetrain fully and gave her a good lube job on the other side. Studiously avoiding teh puddles on the way to dopers as well. Up dopers and I just wanted to ride it all. I settled into a comfy pace with Andrew Bott and speshy dude (who I'd been swapping palces with all day) just up ahead About halfway up I started to make inroads into those 2, and in the top 1/4 pulled away, starting to work into my stride quite nicely as the pain from my freakin nipples (blood spots on my top as well) started to overshadow the pain in my back. Hitting and top, and I said to myself, "you own this shit Slacky, no-one is going to pass you from here to the finish" Pinned the DH with a moment or 2 thrown in, but I was well on it, scarily so. Rode the river at the bottom easily and into the gorge. This is where the big wheels really work well and I was mashing the dog like a machine. All the challenge riders were very courteous and letting me past without a hint of trouble. Hit the rivers at the bottom in the correct gear forthe otehr side, and stomped thru, up the other side and a 2:51:37.
Gutted on one hand, as I know I could have gone far far quicker. But on the other hand, with the cards I was dealt with the back issue and that I could barely move on Tuesday, I did pretty frikkin well considering. As for the chainsuck, well thats just poti. I could ride that drivetrain all winter, and not get chainsuck once.
Rob Kilvington learned about crossing the river last year when I caught him napping last year, and he did the same to Ed as I'd done to him. Despite me warning Ed as well.
Top effort to all that raced. I also wanna add to all the fans, that those of us who go fast, and do the fast times, and also those around that 3 hour mark, we've got it easy. It's those who are out there for 5 plus hours that do it tough. It's those people that deserve the real Kudo's, they're the real hard bastards. People like Peter Blaxter who've had massive heart op's and are on lifetime medications who did 6:49. Massive bushlove double thumps up to you