After swearing black and blue after riding round the lake 2 years ago that I would never to a ride that long again, I foolishly signed up for the Huka XL.
Foolish you say, But Slacky, your a god amongst men, your might is spoken of in hushed yet awed tones.
Ah yes, However I am afflicted with 2 things. 1, this accursed ginger chin (it's only the chin) and 2, Ankylosing Spondylitis. This is one of the many many many types of Arthritis. I manage this with diet, by not eating any starch, I don't get any pain or inflamation. However this diet is also at loggerheads with the nature of my chosen sport. Not being able to eat pie, pasta, chips, rice, grains and cereals, peanuts, root veges (spuds etc), and pretty much 7/8ths of a supermarket. It means I don't get to have lots of carbs stored in my body, blah blah technical terms, blah blah, and struggle to refuel energy wise, both during and after races or rides.
And over the last few years I've learned that my energy levels are good for 3 hr's max, and then it's all downhill from there.
So it was a given that I was gonna blow, just like BGA after a few drinks.
After one of the most awesome people in the world drove me up to Taupo (remember kids, it pays to suck up to your coaches) and Cam's whanau welcomed us on the Thursday night, we got down to the business of sleeping. I got to sleep in the dungeon right next to the wine cellar, we placed the airbed in such a fashion that Lisa woulda have to climb over me to get to the wine. Effectively saving the wine from being drunken by her.The next day we wondered into town to sign in and get food. Saw some nice stuff, harrassed a few people, bitched and moaned about the 7am start time. Thats way before I normally wake up every day. Went for a short pootle on the bike, thankfully checking out the first corner into the singletrack.
Race Day
Got up at a stupid time, slapped some bacon and eggs on the barbie for breaky, and got our shit together. After the toilet break, we headed down and warmed up, chatted to some DH legends, and Lester and Byron also.
Lined up and nearly immediatly Jon Bridges thrust his microphone at me. Not being as used to men thrusting things in my face as Davo is, I was a bit flustered, but managed to stammer out some words.
At the start, the local lead out guy got lost after the bridge, so we pretty much went whereever we wanted all over SH1. Then up the footpath, and away we went.
I let the front lot go, as I knew it would be a long day in the office and well they were just too fast. Saw Davo way off in the distance spinning like a madman near BGA and then presenting his buttocks for all and sundry. Davo likes to pretend this is his "tuck", but we know better.
Still nearly over cooked the first corner into the singletrack, but pulled it up in time. I could hear Davo bleating somewhere up in front about something. Think he had forgotten to turn the toaster off or something. Came upon a dazed BGA doing his usual picking himmself up off the ground after YET another crash gag. Asked him if he was gay, he wheezed out a "ÿep, all good".
Up a wee climb and into the descent, one of cabins young proteges decided his face needed exfoilating, so leapt off his bike and firmly rubbed his face along the ground. Next bit of track and someone else was falling over and blaming tires. As he was a bit flustered I gave him the good old you'll be thanking those tires later in the day. Hopefully he made it that far, cos he was sliding all over the place.
Into the craters and the tracks started to really suit me and I was feeling pretty good. Slowly pulled back Davo and a woodhill'en, we dropped him and I sat in behind Davo marveling at his "Shanks of Destruction". I tried to make him feel better by letting him get away on the tankstand and grinder climb while I ate some food. He had a 5 min gap at the top, give or take 4 mins, which I preceded to smash thru on the Debs descent, which was full of win. Pulled back onto his wheel as he fail walked up the 60k hill and then followed him into the singletrack. This turned out to be an epic fail on my behalf, as he seemed to be riding downhill slower than Kah. About halfway down, he let me passed and I put a 10 min gap by the bottom. I stopped for a natter at the wristband stop to let Davo catch up a lil bit, so he dind't feel so bad, and set off in front of him. WAs feeling really good, so stretched out a bit.
Up and down and all around. Had a blast thru the trails, but was gutted to see that they had taped off the seesaw. Pulled right onto the tail of the Ventanna guy I had been trailing and he obviously got a fright at the sight of a ginger chin behind him and put the hammer down. He stretched out on the climb, and I went down the fun descent doing all the drops having a blast. Near the top of the next next climb, Cam Durno and mono caught up. i let Cam past, and stuck to his wheel. We dropped Mono down the hill and put a 20 min gap on him. 3 mins later he caught up. I let those 2 go for a bit, but hopped back on there tail after the carpark. Cam fluffed a chain and so me and Mono rode thru the shittest trails in the world for the next 30 mins with Cam floating somewhere back there. Coming out of those and I gracisouly let them go, as i could feel my fufu valve fluttering.
Thru the helicopter pad and our feeder extrordinaire, Cams mum, gave me another bottle. Another ride flew past me like i was standing still and i was alone. Rode down to the rapids and dam with the fufu valve not really working at all well, and WALKED across the damm dam bridge. Still alone, and just plodding along as best possible, another dude flew past, then Ian P caught me at the top of the next climb. I followed at a discrete distance (read floundered some 30-50 meters back) and then let him go. Struggled up past Huka falls, ooooooooooh pretty, and then to the next walk. Apprently everyone else waws running, my 85 year old grandma could of beatean me along that wee walk. Davo came past and tried to hit on me, I told him I was already taken. At teh top of the next climb, Anika caught me. Ah ha, I can stick on her tail i thought. She rode away from me.
the trails seemed to go on and on and on and on and on, and on, then we went past the bungy, and the trails went on and on and on and on and on and on and on. I was feeling pretty nauseous at this point and emptier than a bucket of chicken at monos table in KFC. Then I rode past the poo ponds. I felt sicker.
Then the woodhill'en past me. I'm pretty sure he had a time machine, cos he leapt past me faster than Hinge can click Buy now in an online bike store. Across the bridge and the last bit home. Thorg thought I was waving hello to him as he walked back from the relay bus, I was asking for help, so he could push me to the finish line. Thankfully I managed on my own.
Crossed in 4:25 something, 2 mins up on Cam Wood.
Happy with how I went in the end, stoked I kept going even tho I had blown worse than Tony gives head.
Never let an illness dictate what you can and can't do. I should prolly listen to that myself more often, but no-one said ginger chins were smart.
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