Excuses, Excuses - Goldie's Karapoti Debrief

Isn't it funny how mountain bikers come up with every excuse under the sun why they didn't fire during a race.

I`m no exception, I`ve got plenty!! I never thought i`d say this, but i think i was just a little well prepared for this years Karapoti.

Firstly i had my bike serviced during the week with all new cables after the mud bath in Nelson.
I bought a new bite valve for my camel pack. I mixed me drinks up and got me muesli bars ' with nicely cut off ends for easy access' the night before. Had a great high carb pasta meal backed up with a top

sleep and a nice early hearty brekky. I felt good! Really fresh after a reasonably quiet summer of racing.

Anyway, on the start line ready to smash it! Got away to a fairly good start after my swim and then trying to keep safe with everyone riding frantically up into the gorge trying to get as close to the front as possible. Came into the warm up climb just keeping a nice rhythm and making good progress, then through to deadwood and everything going good, towards the top there was myself, Patrick Avery, legend Rob K, up and coming legend Anton Cooper and the pace was good.

Anyway we flew through to the rock garden, smashed the rock garden then carried and rode the staircase where possible at a good brisk pace edged on by the professional Rob.
This is where i came across me first problem, i reached back for one of my muesli bars and hello its bloody dissolved, it had filled up with water from the river crossing at the start and being one of those muffin bake type bars it was just mush. Shit no food!! Now i thought i better up the fluid intake a bit, but this new bite valve was crap, once i got it flowing it wouldn't stop. Shit!! I tried to slurp down as much as i could. At this stage i thought it`s gonna be OK i`m still feeling good.
Some dude Oliver someone had caught us by now and we railed on down big ring with me rob and Oliver getting a good gap on the other two youngsters.

This is where it really turned to custard, through dopers creek and started climbing then, crunch, crunch, crunch, shit my gears, i tried adjusting them but just made things worse, my bloody new cables had stretched!!

I just could not climb outta dopers, and i could feel the body starting to slowly shut down.
There is nothing more frustrating, my jog slowed to a brisk walk then to almost a crawl as got passed by Patrick and Anton then ed, Big Gav then Jase Mcarty and a couple of others I think. Cramp starting setting in by now just to keep me honest. Finally got to the top and ambled down the valley cramp at its best, had to stop after dropping my bottle of cramp spray, weaved my way through the challenge riders and to the finish.

So at the end of the day i can say i didn't exactly smash Karapoti but Karapoti definitely smashed me!

I can`t say that i really enjoyed myself and if you ask me tomorrow if i`m entering next year, its a big no way!! But ask me in 3 months time and see what i say? I may be up for some revenge.

Big up`s to everyone that finished on Saturday, give yourselves a big pat on the back if its not too sore, and remember it was never meant to be easy!

Goldie

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Karapoti - YFY, Woot & Result!!

Poti was finally here, a year of waiting since the last one and this time I trained properly Woot Woo.

So it was the night before Christmas when coach had sent me some pre race instructions, I love not having to think when it comes to these things. No nerves at this stage just clean bike, tune, pack, prepare food and test the lycra out... hmmm silky. Start last meal before bed time, I'm a suckers for fat, creamy chicken, chilli, wine pasta (Home made of course). Slapped some last minute smack talk on Vorb and headed to bed.

Woke with a spring in my step. its Christmas finally! But Santa the bastard didn't leave a present this year, he left pain and suffering!!! Started my pre race morning routine shit, shower, spank, shave the secret S's for pre race weight loss ;)

Into the car and off I went, bike riding inside today to keep it extra clean and shinny. Arrived at the venue only to be told no 2wd vehicles past this point, bugger that I thought "Oh I'm just going to drop some gear off" I said... Yeah Right! Cruised right up to the bridge and parked on the side of the road where there was ample room. Unpacked and began to chat with Angry about how we were both going to smash those slow pros that should have raced age grade like the pre-entry suggestion tells them. Dydimo dipped the bike and headed into the village for a last minute sift.

Right so all I wanted from this race was to join the sub 3hr Karapoti hall of fame. Started my warm up on the wind trainer with differing views of riders by "Damn I should have brought mine", "Hey good idea warming up on the wind trainer", "Cock!", “Tosser” Ah yes stupid you say, but I felt great at the start and shot off like the condom that flew around the room...

A great start for me but I still had in mind to cruised The Gorge, warm up on the Warm Up Climb and then give it stick from there on. Some would like to think I like to come from behind, I say better a pitcher than a catcher ;) My plan worked well, giving me enough energy to get through Deadwood without touching down and pulling Slackboy & Angry Clive in later in the race.

Rock Garden Rock'd!!! WTF is with this walking talk pussy boys? Nailed this from top to bottom and pick up places all the way down. Gave it the hard push up the Devil's Staircase, and then it was mechanical time... I have no idea how this happened but I somehow managed to twist one of my chain links 90% sideways... yes that is sideways the wrong way... Got off and yelled expletives like a 'Mono' chasing his stolen bike down the road. Right! then the SlackGod roared past on his elephant sized wheels crowing like a cock on 'P'. Managed to twist the chain back straight again only loosing maybe 4-5min and away I went. Opened it up along Big Ring Boulevard but nothing was going to bring back the SlackGod, calves of doom and wheels the size of elephants he was gone. Bottom of Dopers and I was on for about a 2hr 55min finish but suffered a little mentally. Digging the heels in to the top I finally started on the downhill finish to home, or so I thought... Does anyone else find The Gorge demoralizing at the end of 45 odd km??? Its flat or fucking downhill for god sacks, it should be easy... Anyway the clock said get your arse into gear Mr or you will be packing another box of tissues for the ride home. Rode like I stole it down the Gorge, along the tarmac and through the river for the last time only to hear "2hrs 58mins 40sec" while exiting the water, FUCK ME!!! time to haul ass... as I rounded the final corner I could hear family and friends SCREAMING Go, Ride Tony, Ride!!! Head down I pinned it across the line to the sound of the commentator which I will never forget "Here comes Tony Keith dipping under the 3 hour mark"

Elated I dropped the bike after crossing the line and proceeded to cramp on both hamstring and quads for the next 5mins. I didn’t care I was there and under 3 hours Woot Woo.

Also really enjoyed the sifting round after the race talking dribble with good mountain biking friends. Well that is until Mono pointed out some dude he thought had a boner in his lycra shorts... Ewwwwwww!

Some Poti suggestion for future first timers:
- Brand new brake pads before you start (Sintered)
- Grippe new tyres (UST or install a Stand Tubeless kit) - A must to run tubeless for Poti, I ran Larsen TT's and would race nothing else to tell the truth
- Liquid, Liquid, Liquid
- Spare tubes x2 at least, with pump & tyre leavers
- Bike tool
- Knads the size of basket balls, carefully tucked to the side of your seat
- A good sense of humour, especially towards your fellow bikers. They are out there suffering the same as you, or is it they are just as stupid as you for doing this?!?!?!?

Cramp you say... Well I'm no expert, actually I don't think there is an expert out there otherwise they would be famous and fucking rich!!! The only prep I can half attribute to keep cramp at bay was. A good distance base before the race (Training), lots of liquid including electrolytes but I don't use them during training, and a good warm up. I did however find it was the river/cold water that brought on the cramp and my mental stubbornness that made it go away (Push through it).

A BIG thanks Lisa Morgan my coach who has been great in coaching me to all of my events this year, but mostly Karapoti's sub 3. It would not have been possible without you. Rockets Bikes & Merida for the race kit & bike, it was great to see more and more Merida’s out there and the bright race kit of Rocket cruising the crowds.

Most of all loads of thanks definitely hast to go Jacinda & Tyler my wife & daughter for their support and love through all my training and races around N.Z, love you both and appreciate everything you do for me.

Next race bring it on!!!

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Grinding Paste

Was amped for K Time this year, new bike that was just meant for this race and was feeling pretty fit despite my knee knijury a few weeks back... Ill keep this short , theres gonna be plenty of bushloving to come. So just some bullet points

1. Start
2. Pedal hard
3. Into the gorge ahead of Slacky, Mono & Tiger woohoo, the race is mine

4. Damm they are still behind me
5. Double Damm Slacky past me
6. Great I passed Slacky having a nap
7. Into the first climb
8. Excellant still ahead of the other lovers
9. Down that crappy shingle shit... slooowwly
10. Up Deadwood climb, I think still ahead of Mono, def Slacky and Tiger.. I am a riding god.
11. Along the Deadwood, cant see through glasses, cant take off because the shits flying
12. Into Clousten turn off, took the left hand line, the rights shit
13. Coming up to the Rock Garden I hear the roar of the Tiger as im nannying the descents
14. Into the Rock Garden, 8 mins ahead of PB on for a 2:50 My courage deserts me and I walk the hard bits
15. Bottom of Devils I drop my mojo
16. Half way up Nick passes me in such a jovial state I think he's medicated.
17. Marco passes me
18. Tons of others pass me.
19. Thinking my legs and dodgy knees aint made for Devils
20. TOP.. yay, Ooh look theres my Mojo, Nick must have picked it up and left it for me.
21. Along Big ring, passed Marco again looking a bit broken. Woohoo was still on for a 2:50
22. Along towards Dopers.. BOOM, (dramatic effect) front tyre goes.
23. Stuck a tube in and carried on
24. Then start hearing a clicking sound from the front brakes, hmmm that will be the pad spring
25. Stopped and checked brakes, all gone WTF!!.. new pads before the race.
26. Lost mojo again
27. Walked some sections of Dopers as I knew I couldnt smash it from the top without front brakes
28. Hit the top, ambled down to the river and smashed it down the gorge just using the back brakes.
29. Across the river, choosing the deep line for extra spectator lulz
30. 3:11 ewweeeh...

2010 GOTO step 1

Excellant stuff from the Tiger just sneaking in under 3 hours, Slacky for telling his head pain dont count ,Mono for riding a girls bike, and Whacko for being Whacko

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Nipplegate shocker

Where o where have the ends of my poor nipples gone. The poor lil buggars got rubbed raw at the Karapoti. Gawdamn do they hurt.

So after the mudfest of Nelson, I thought we'd have got the wet races out of the way. Yeah but no, it was not to be, and the rain slayed down upon the Karapoti the day before the race, and indeed up til near the start.
Race day started nice and early picking up Cam, then Al and Ed and heading out the the Burkes Lovebus to the track. Plan was to get there early, get a good park, etc etc. turns out everyone else had the same idea, gutted, thwarted even!!!!
But we set up out tent so we had somewhere dry to sift for a bit, set out bits up ( I tuck to the left, personal choice). Ed, Al and I, all lubed our legs up nice and shiny. Bit of a sift, bit of shit-talk, and a bit of warming up saw us at the start line.
Lots and lots of people lined up in the open class. Including a heap of people that didn't have a shit show chance in hell of pulling a sub 3. And the retards were all crowding the front. For fucks sake, if your going to be arrogant enuff to start in the open class, at least let teh fast boys to the front so we don't have to deal with all your cockknockers making it even harder for us. And all the fast boys being 3/4 the way across the river before the start, cheeky fuckers. So thru the mad melee at the start, and winding the way thru all the wannabee's that really had no right being there at all we got into it. Thru the concrete blocks near the top of the gorge and the 2nd bunch was way grouped up and the pace was a bit weak. So I forced thru to the front and rode off, some went with, but looking back it really stretched the group out. Into the first wee climb at the top of the gorge and chainsuck, "oh for frikksake, not all ready" (several more swearwords may have been edited out) By the time I unstuck and ran up the wee climb, 2nd bunch was gone and I was in the next lot. Middle ring was sucking every now and then, which was annoying beyond belief, so I was using big ring a lot. I was at the front of our wee group coming into the warm up climb, and shifted into granny, and started up the climb, and.............chainsuck, for crying out loud. out came the lube, and a liberal coating. Back on the bike and climbing steadily, after the first wee pinch, the back pain was starting to kick in quite a lot. side note* on the tuesday I woke up and could barely move as my back was throwing a big wobbly at me, so for most of the week I was on anti-flammes and seeing the physio. Which all helped immensly, but still *side note off*
Kept going over the top and ripped down the loose DH into the creek, pulling a sweet pass as I went. Climbing might have been a struggle, but with the new fork, it was sweet as going down.
Going up Deadwood I didn't get any chainsuck in granny thank god, but the back was definitely limiting me. Didn't have full power, and the pain was just sapping my energy and will. But I did ride everything. The last really steep pinch, I was just muttering to myself "keep riding, this is the last steep bit, keep fucking riding, keep fucking riding" It worked, cos I kept riding. On the last few wee rollers to the cloustenville turnoff I got a few wee chainsucks in granny. This was not fun. Stuck it in teh dog and grinded up some ups for a bit, but had to drop it down to granny, and then more chainsuck. Lubed the chain once more, and kept riding, middle was the worst culprit, so I was studiously avoiding using it, rode some more in the dog which amused Jeff lyall no end. I caught Al at the top of the Uphill rock garden, and he was having more troubles with chainsuck than I was, and at the rate that I dropped him, surely must have been walking all the downhills. With some down coming, my mojo seemed to filter back a bit and I got some pace in, and the back was not hurting as much as it had been, so I put time into those behind me. Into the rock garden and I ripped down until the soap rock section, whereupon I came across Angry. He was smack bang on a line and I was semi dubious about it anyway, so to help his confidence I got off and ran, I personally think it was faster in that section (on a HT anyway), but soon got back on and rocked the brraap factor right up. Caught up to a whippersnapper, but he went left on a wrong line and I nailed the correct one, and pinned 'er again. the old arms were feeling a bit at the bottom, as was the back. But hey the 'Poti is all about the suffering right. Up the Staircase and I carried my bike the first 2-3 steps. Wasn't fast tho as the back was definitly hindering me quite badly at this point. Super Garth came past me like a rocket. Up past Craig Madsen who was taking great delight in capturing people suffering on camera. Quite a few people caught and passed me up the staircase, as I was struggling quite badly with the pain. Was getting chainsuck annoyingly so on the peddable bits as well, and for only the 5th time out of 39, I didn't make it up the last pinch. I was quite guttd about that. So whilst I greived over that, I lubed my chain once again. Nick K had caught and just passed me at the top as well. so I rode not too far behind him for a while, with Mike Hunn from OYB dangling in front as well. As soon as we got a wee down bit, the ag set in, and I wound the wick on a bit and ripped past Mr hunn and some others on a wee rocky descent. Put it in the dog and closed up on Dr Nick. Went passed him saying I'd see him on Dopers when he caught me, as I was expecting to be well in the pain box going up there.

As soon as big Ring started proper, My bellyfull of Aggro and the big wheels started to rip. I pretty much opened the taps right up, and let rip. My old pace was back and I flew down, I was having a great time. Into the creek at the bottom and I stopped to clean the drivetrain fully and gave her a good lube job on the other side. Studiously avoiding teh puddles on the way to dopers as well. Up dopers and I just wanted to ride it all. I settled into a comfy pace with Andrew Bott and speshy dude (who I'd been swapping palces with all day) just up ahead About halfway up I started to make inroads into those 2, and in the top 1/4 pulled away, starting to work into my stride quite nicely as the pain from my freakin nipples (blood spots on my top as well) started to overshadow the pain in my back. Hitting and top, and I said to myself, "you own this shit Slacky, no-one is going to pass you from here to the finish" Pinned the DH with a moment or 2 thrown in, but I was well on it, scarily so. Rode the river at the bottom easily and into the gorge. This is where the big wheels really work well and I was mashing the dog like a machine. All the challenge riders were very courteous and letting me past without a hint of trouble. Hit the rivers at the bottom in the correct gear forthe otehr side, and stomped thru, up the other side and a 2:51:37.
Gutted on one hand, as I know I could have gone far far quicker. But on the other hand, with the cards I was dealt with the back issue and that I could barely move on Tuesday, I did pretty frikkin well considering. As for the chainsuck, well thats just poti. I could ride that drivetrain all winter, and not get chainsuck once.
Rob Kilvington learned about crossing the river last year when I caught him napping last year, and he did the same to Ed as I'd done to him. Despite me warning Ed as well.
Top effort to all that raced. I also wanna add to all the fans, that those of us who go fast, and do the fast times, and also those around that 3 hour mark, we've got it easy. It's those who are out there for 5 plus hours that do it tough. It's those people that deserve the real Kudo's, they're the real hard bastards. People like Peter Blaxter who've had massive heart op's and are on lifetime medications who did 6:49. Massive bushlove double thumps up to you

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Slacky's Muddy Bits

I got mud EVERYWHERE at the national champs in Nelson over the weekend. All sorts of places you don't want to tell your mother about. And my buttcrack too!!!

So I packed the Burkes Lovebus up on teh wednesday night and jumped the 2:25am ferry. Squeezing a few hours of sleep on the floor of the mighty Arahura, I then drove thru the Fog to my lil bro's in Renwick. After an hours sleep out the front of his house cos I was too polite to wake the buggar up (I know, slacky polite, it's one of the signs of the coming appocolypse). I then got to meet a nephew I hadn't met yet, lil Curtis. And got to play for w while with my other nephew Conrad. Twas very cool, I then made myself useful and gave my Bro's bike a good service as it was a bit neglected. This was no isue thanks to the Burkes lovebus's Park tool Mechanics bag which was full of fabulous Park Tools (Marleens should send me some swag for the plug).

I then dribbled off to Nelson to check the course out. Upon arriving at the track I spotted Super Dave Wallace coming

in from a lap, he was ever so slightly dirty. And that was AFTER he washed himself in the creek. Noting that it was no longer raining, and still early in teh day I was thinking of putting of riding for the moment. Happily an extra excuse showed up when Derek and Ken, the UCI boys, showed up to walk the track. I ofered to come along, as not only would it let me shake the legs out from the drive, but it let me defer riding until the track was somewhat dryer. (and to spot a few sneaky lines too)

Firday was a much better and drier day, and 2 laps practice went by nice and easily. The track yeilding fantabulous amounts of grip and providing tonnes of enjoyment. However, sadly the evening brought rain. This was bad

The morning brought more rain. This was bad

Now as I only had 1 agressive trail tire in my arsenal, leaving me with a Stans

Raven on the rear I decided to go with the smart choice of a 700x32c Continential Twister cyclocross tire front and rear. This would mean I'd have nigh of 2 inches of mud clearence in the rear stays and skinniest tires (as Ken didn't race) by about an inch. To go with my tires, I decided to Euro up and add knee warmers (c/dale to

match my bike of course), merino armwarmers, vest and a roadie cap under the helmet for the classy CX racer look.

The race started with a hiss and a roar and everyone ripped off up teh road. A small leading bunch was off the front slightly, then me, then the rest. Into the singletrack down the stream and I was held up slightly by someone not overly liking the wetness. Not too worry, it was still early, however it allowed the rest of the gang to close up on me. Luckily I snuck past after the stream DH with a magnificant CX dismount and remount on the wee steep bit that EVERYONE walked/run up (yes thats right, worship me like the modest god I am) and I set about

catching the filthy roadie up ahead. Now at this point I'm unsure if Tones was ahead or behind, my fufu valve was fluttering so the minds a wee bit vague. I caught Al the roadie on a slippery lil uphill pinch which naturally he faffed up. But the sneaky buggar like the sight of my calves so much he hammered stragiht back onto my wheel. I might ahve been struggling at the point a wee bit (ok ok, no might, I was) Tones and Al quickly slipped past, obviously excited about my calves and needing to get to the finish all that much quicker for some alone time in the portaloo's. Kindly I let them go, as I knew their fragile psyches need all the help they could get coming into Karapoti week. As I was gathering my fufu valve together that wee lil punk Anton flew past me like a P addict looking to score, this depressed me, knowing that's he's LESS than half my age and I'm only 31.

I slowly caught Tones up and was on him like poo on a shoe on a hot day. And that was the end of the first wet and very muddy lap. Feeling a bit better, I got into my stride and easily, with my super skinny and grippy CX tires rode up the climbs at the start and gapped Tiger. Saw Cabin coming down teh creek with amighty lead, saw

Jase the Ace behind him, saw the roadie as well, yelled at him. Was quite funny as every lap I saw AL at nearly the same place, just 10 meters further back up the track each time. next few laps was pretty much a blur of mud and rocks, the odd root, some more mud, some passes, some being passed, passing some more, then putting time onto those I'd passed. I think that (outside of CAbin and Jase) in our class everyone was slowing down each lap, I just slowed down a little less than the others. Had 2 big near loses. One on the top 4WD section where I got crap in my eyes at very high speed and rode bronco style in the grass ditch practically blinded all the whilst thinking 'I'm going to eat shit and it's going to hurt'. No idea how I didn't, pure luck most likely.

Then another on the last DH in the S bend and came in well too hot and got all tank slappy all the way thru the corner, mere fluke that it didn't end badly I think. Knew at that start of the last lap that I had a pretty good gap on 4th, and that there was an even bigger gap to 2nd. so I just pretty much tried to consolidate and ride safely. Possbily I rode a bit too safe as Nick Emery closed up a wee bit on me. but 3rd is 3rd and I'm pretty darn stoked even tho I was well spanked by Jase and Cabin. Espeshly after being so sick at the begining of the year and it setting me back so much.

Did the Short course the next day as well. It was much drier than the previous day, tho still lots of slippery around, espeshly as we had to rip thru a creek. I did quite well at this the previous year at Occeanias, but didn't have as much luck this year. Still a butt load of fun tho.

Bring on the Poti

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Nats the Mud bath version

Woot my first MTB Nats and it was a mud fest!!!

So after a whole lot of packing (Myself, Bike, Wife and Child) into a package small enough to squash us all onto a plane the size sewing machine, we arrived to a sunny day in Nelson, soon to change into a slush fest of fun and games. Went out the watch the Gavatron smash it in the hill climb only to be beaten by George Bennett, Nelson (No relative to our Angry Bennett). Have to put this part in even though she might kill me... funniest part of the hill climb was when Ashley Burgess (Name and shame) ran off for a Bush-Slash, came running out from behind the trees screaming "Oh no I pissed on my trousers... and it was evident by the large patch down her leg that she had... Now, any normal person would walk out casually and say "Bugger, I stepped in a puddle" not Ashley, loud and proud... was value for money for the next hour, LOL

Race day was here and the nerves started, ahhh bugger the nerves, I was out to have a ball... The guys at Rocket had just installed a Stan's Tubeless kit on my rims which I am please to say held up a treat through this and Karapoti. Race start kicked off and dispite my worries the Larsen TT tyres held through the mud like a Davo to his childhood Teddy Bear (Mr Slobbers). Lap one started and I struggeled up the first hill turning to the first down hill in about 4th place Woot! After settling into a good pace I worked on catch the time I had lost on the first hill and caught SlackBoy midway through the first lap. This was unfortunately short lived as coming down the final hill of lap one I blew the front brakes on the Merida. Slackboy ripped past before the begining of lap 2. From here on my race turned into a marshmellow in a fat kids pocket. By the end of lap 2 I had blown my rear brake pads as well and was running the downhills... Tried on one of the open downhill parts of the track to ride it but to my surprise incrased speed even with brakes full on!! ended up with the choice of hitting a marshal or inocent by stander or bailing over a 2 mtr cliff, nice guy that I am I bailed!!!! Shit I wish I could have had that on camera, would have split my sides laughing...

The rest of the race was comical. Stoked with still finishing 10th in Masters 1 and a goal for a podium next year... (Cocky I know, but WTF ya only live once).

Racing in the mud at Nat's fun, running out of brake pads both front and rear... Priceless

From here on it was relaxation time, cruised to Mapua for breakfast with the fam and to see the "Touch the sea aquarium" (No boys no Mermaids to touch here, stick to courtnary place). Lesson learned, maintenance, maintenance, maintenance!!!!

Lets go Poti!!!!

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N-Duro, Some of the sweetest single track I've ever ridden

Beware and fear the Angryman!!

The smile says it all, even after stacking it

about 30min into this race I was all teeth.

So my day started off a little slow due to a few to many liquid refreshments and dancing in a Tutu the night before... at a wedding (Pic of me in yet another dress...) Just to explain myself, 10 years ago in a moment of weakness I made a pact with a friend that if she ever got married I would wear a Tutu to her wedding... 10 years later there she was and there I stood in my skirt. Funnily enough the Wairarapa farmer she was marrying and his family took it rather well, one of the guys even asked how I keep in-grown hairs away LOL.

Right back to racing, Vegas had put on a fantastic day for us weather was good, company was great and the tracks were superb. I think part of my excitement was because I had had such a bullocks ride around Karapoti the weekend before, anything would be an improvement.

Earlier in the week I took the bike to the guys at Rocket Bikes and they fitted my favorite Larsen TT tyres and a Stan's Tubeless kit. Admittedly I was highly skeptical of the Stan's Kit at first but they worked perfect, don't be afraid to try something new I say. Thanks guys nice effort on the bike, only thing holding it back now is the fat heifer riding it, will get the bike off the heifer for Nats :)
If you have not already been in to Rocket Bikes Lyall Bay, stop in for a chat, their all top b@stards and about as helpful as you can be without getting a law suit against ya ;) Special thanks to Nathan & Mike.

The first 30min of the race were pain sureved up with a little "no sympathy" "for self infliction", until I came down a couple of drop offs and got the exit ALL wrong... over the handle bars resulting in a dirt mask for me. Best thing that could have happened, as it snapped me into aggressive ride mode. Away I went power to the hills and attacking the downs. Currently I was back in 10th place overall where I finished, but the track was so sweet and I had finally hit my stride I just gave it shit.

Cruised through to the finish to the reception of my family. Afterwards went for a sifty ride with my Nephew (DJ) who's a little gun on the bike, watch this space.

The rest of the evening consisted of food, beer, thermals pools, robbing a dairy, talking shit with Catherine (Top bird that one), Clive (Angry) and watching the local road workers on their road eater machinery thing.

N.B. No Native New Zealand birds were harmed in the writing of this posting.

Angry here, just hijacking Tigers (Not jacking Davo) thread.

I entered the main 45km race , leaving Tones to burgle the 25km beginners race, I was after a nice tough workout leading up to Poti and to test out how the knee was recovering.

I started off mid pack but was soon out front, this of course is ignoring Hiskey, The Clintons (NZ's first royal family), Cabin etc who were long gone.

The tracks where nice, I was climbing well, on Gunna Gotcha I came across Thomas who had loose nuts on his bike, someone lent him their tool and he was back off again, After about 30 minutes Anika past me going up a hill, sweet jesus that girl can climb. I then procceded to have a nice stack on A-Trail down a slippy rut, no damage.

The rest of the race was uneventfull until the last 10kms where I had someone steaming on my tail which caused me to increase my pace somewhat that I caught up with Thomas again, he must have been having a nap as when I past him he looked around decided he didnt like being past and shot off. I held off the guy behind me for the rest of the race to get 3rd by 1 second over 4th. Stoked with the result.

We drove home via Ohakune and Taihape for some interesting state sponsored fun.. Long story.

Top weekend.

Oh and somewhere in there ran over a Hawk trying to take off with a Rabbit, feathers everywhere and completely unrelated to that I need to join witness protection. Who's got the number?

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National Champs

Bushlove is a mighty mighty racing unit you say. Bushlove is always up for the races you say.

Well it appears from teh mighty ranks of Bushlove, that I, and I alone will be going to the National MTB champs this weekend in Nelson.

Square upon thy shoulders doth the glory of Bushlove rest. But have no fear, for I will not shirk my duty, the great Mo-llet, and the calves of doom shall represent the mighty, and stand for all that is good and true in our great and muddy world.

I have some picks for this weekend. Please bear in mind, that some people may not be racing, or even some that might, that I don't know about and hence have not crossed my mind. Prediction is not an exact science, and I'm just plain making this shit up

Elite men 1st, Stu Houltham FTW, followed in my Mikee Northcott, being chased hard by Big Gav in 3rd. Clinton if he races will twist his bike to bits with his mighty shanks.

Elite Ladiezzz, If Anika turns up all bets are off, and I hope like hell even my lap times beat hers

Under 23 men, Carlos to crash twice and win

Under23 Women, 1st Supa Sam, smashing everyone, with the fastest chick time overall, 2nd Monique Avery after giving Sam a good race, 3rd WILL BE Raerae Morrison

Juniors, Dirk and Paddy to battle it out at front, Dirk to clear out and smash it, Adrian Letiffe (sp) to pull 3rd with 1 broken spoke

Junior Girls, Saschato ride away from everyone

U17 men, Midget man Cooper to win by 6:34mins, 2nd fastest junior overall, Tom Tom Bradshaw for 2nd

Vet 1, If Cabin shows and races even given his dislike for nats races, he'll win (unless Broken Lung Crossling sticks a branch in his wheel, ya listening Ed!!) Slacky and the rest of the old people to fight the good fight. The glory of Bushlove should shine thru. But it should be a good close race otherwise, with Hiskey sitting it out, and prepping for his impending overall win at the Poti.

DH, well I barely know who's who these days, but K Bizzle for the mens win with a Rankin in 2nd (if he shows) and the balding Ginga Dodzy in 3rd.

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Slacky's Fashion tips

Many many people ask me, "Slacky, how can I be as cool as you". Well the short answer is, sorry, you can't. But people can get close. Here are some quick tips to help you on your way.

Get your self a fashion bike. Not only is it hip, cool and now!, but I ride one as well. This is reason enough. It also helps you aid in smoothing out your pedal stroke, scaring yourself and pedestrians, and increasing your leg size.

There are several ways you can get one. 

1/ Find an old road frame that has horizontal (ish) dropouts so you can tension the chain, and cobble something together. You'll still quite likely need to get a fixed hub tho.

2/ Steal one (this is not a reconmended option, it will end in pain)

3/ Find an old track bike (perfect, your all done, cept for a front brake)

4/ Buy a ready made fixie. There are several brands that do these, it's all the fashion to do a fashion at the mo.

My current Fav of these ready made fashions, is the SE racing Lager.

 Splashed with a liberal amount of Ano Red parts, steel frame for sturdiness, cool retro frame clips, check toptube pad so you don't scuff things up

 too much (helps protect and also stops the bike from sliding so much when 

leant against something). This is a pretty cool bike and will allow you to get all that much closer to the coolness that is Slacky. If I didn't already have my own hot fashion, this is what I'd buy.

Another way to bring up the style and cool point is the Musette bag, or feed bag. Small and light, it can fold up into a pocket nice and easily, it can fit a small amount of stuff, but it will up your cred immensly. These aren't overly common, and if you manage to find yourself a really cool old retro one, it will go a really long way to getting nearly as cool as me. 

The other type of bag you can get is the messenger bag. Used by couriers/messengers (smart that), it sling over the shoulders, meaning you can access the bag whilst still riding, and keeping the bag on you.

I gain extra cool points here, as this is my bag, and it has my birth year on it. Also from SE racingJust remember kids, it's not a competition, I'm just that much cooler than you all.

And the last Slacky fashion tip for the day, is hats. Cycling hats. You can wear them under your helmets, by themselves, wear it back to front, sideways (this is very very ghey) or the proper way. The peak althought small, can be worn flipped up, or down.

You may notice in some Bushlove Pics, Whacko is wearing one under his helmet, this makes him cool. However he looses what ever cool he has, cos he pulls his socks up his calves. This is wrong, very!!. But he is young, and will learn in time

This Broadcast is brought to you by the Bushlove Fashion Collective

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BushLove Spices Up The Sevens

Coach said "Let your hair down for the weekend..." So I did...

Which one is a Bush...Love














The opposition: Notice they were missing a Posh though, amateurs..

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No Pedalling Required! - A Wander On The Honda

The old mountain bike has been parked up for a little while and i`ve been enjoying getting out on the dirt bike again. Believe me its a heap easier! I`ve grown up with dirt bikes doing a bitta motocross etc in me younger days and being a farm boy generally riding everyday. So me and a couple of mates planned a weekend away, staying at a good country pub with plenty of riding, boozing and sport watching planned (what more can you ask for?). We decided to trip up to Owhango (between Ohakune and Taumaranui) and ride the 42 Traverse and surrounding tracks. We left early friday morning with 3 Honda`s in tow and arrived at the lovely Owhango at around midday. We sorted our room out then kitted up for a afternoon of dusty hot riding.

Having ridden up there before I pretty much knew the area fairly well and we set out cruising through the awesome native bush. The track is in great condition, almost like its groomed for riding, just flows beautifully! We passed a few groups of mountain bikers then stopped at about the half way mark at the river crossing and had a splash and a bit of a feed, can`t beat the crystal clear waters in the bush! We carried on through to the other side and detoured back through a more challenging overgrown track, which was a heap of fun apart from being about 20 degrees too hot.

On the return trip i upped the pace a bit as all i could think about was the cold Speights we had back in our room. Got back about 7ish and straight away downed a few coldies and moseyed on over to the pub for a good pub feed. Spent the evening trying to drink the pub dry and watching the cricket with a brief switch to the 7`s from time to time, the beers were flowing and then the bourbons came out round after round. Without a worry in the world, we finally retired about 2am (i think), waking up to a thumping head ache and my mouth so dry i was spitting dust. It was gonna be a long day!!

Went down the street to the only other shop in town and tryed unsuccessfully to down a coffee, i knew there was some reason i did`nt drink much anymore!I managed to compose myself after a couple of spits and a few hours later and jumped back on the bikes again. The noise of the bikes the constant jarring, bumping the intense heat and dust is definately no hang over cure it was bloody hard work!

We went deep in the bush and sussed out a couple of waterfalls and stumbled upon a mud track, but after a couple of hours i just wanted to lay down in the cool of the bush and die. Luckily i was`nt the only one that was crook, so we decided to call it a day and headed back.

All in all it was an enjoyable little trip with beautiful native bush, crystal clear rivers, views to die for, great tracks, great pub food, but don`t talk to me about alcohol!

Fully Recovered Goldie

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Skins Review

They are a little strange at first and little high around the hips (I prefer hipsters myself, Not Ghey At All). Anyway back to the review, so for a long time I was finishing running/mountain bike races and after smashing my legs for an hour or two, the next day they would be sore/very fatigued. Throwing the idea around about getting Skins I asked different people what they thought and about other products available on the market. I found a lot of support for Skins. So off I went for a recce around for prices, not bloody cheap I tell you!! I think the best price I came up with was from Rebel sport who had them for $169 for the long recovery tights.

Now you may or may not know but these are also known as compression tights and come in all sorts of different types, Bottoms, Tops, Arms, Shorts, Legs, even Cylce Shorts etc… the list goes on. The only ones I can truly comment on right now are the recovery tights. Unless Skins decide it a great idea to sponsor me some cycle shorts I would be happy to try them out ;o). The idea behind them is to promote circulation to muscles and aid in the fatigue recovery. This helps with back to back training and performance improvement.

The Technical Overview:
"Ongoing testing of elite athletes have proven that Skins™ BioAcceleration Technology™ creates marked improvements in reducing the build-up of lactic acid immediately after periods of sustained exercise (2hrs and 15 mins up to 37% ), and allows for more rapid return to normal levels (up to 38% at 20 minutes). You experience less fatigue, minimise soreness and recover faster.

Skins™ is body-moulded compression performance equipment manufactured from the finest Lycra and Meryl Microfibre, scientifically engineered to provide support and muscle alignment to the smart-fabric covered area of your body. Skins™ will definitely change the way that you train and play as well as speed your recovery. You will feel fresher after heavy bouts of exercise and delayed onset muscle soreness (DOMS) will be minimised."

Other similar products:
CW-X (From what I understand these are good for during sport and not so much recovery)
Canterbury’s Base Line
2XU – (Also meant to be a good product)

IMHO. These do work I have noticed decreased recovery time an increase in training frequency and decrease in sore muscle fatigue the next day. They are ideal for the high performance, athletes that do not have time for “downtime”.
The price is high but if you are aiming for 5-6 days of training a week these are definitely beneficial, not so much for the ‘Rec’ rider in us all.

I am happy to answer any question about these, just write me a comment at the bottom of this review.

Chur Teh Tiger

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Akatarawa Attack - Bushlove Team Nearly Dies

Having just lost a really long, well written post and nearly burying my fist into the kitchen worktop - I'll be keeping this brief.

I teamed up with Nick K to compete in the Akatarawa Attack. A MTB orienteering event in the same region as the Karapoti. Nick won Open Men last year with former plumper, Mono Sharpe, and I was keen to give it a good crack to see if we could do a repeat and shower the team with more glory.

You get the maps for about 45mins to study them and work out your best route around the forest trails to collect the most 'control' locations, which have a certain number of points according to difficulty to reach, and a clipper to punch your card to prove you've been there.

We worked out a fairly good route (we thought) and moseyed off the start line feeling fairly confident and looking forward to a good time in the hills and exploring some new trails. After about 1km the no-expense-spared Bushlove Mapboard destroyed itself and jumped off my bars, meaning the rest of the event was spent trying to read maps which got slowly written off through sweat and repeated handling (a lot like Whacko's johnson). Keeping the maps in our pockets and up our short legs did nothing for their readability and made some areas tricky. Also a pain as we now have to buy more maps to keep so we can head out there again.



We got our first control which put us on a little high going in to the long 4wd forest climb up the Puketiro Loop. We got a good control in a ravine which no-one else appeared to have bagged so felt pretty good about things. We also felt pretty 'Sparta' as we were riding the singlespeeds at about twice the speed of everyone else up the climbs, which did wonders for our confidence.

It was a bloody warm day and we were thankful that a lot of the hard work was in the forest where a bit of shade saved our bacon. Out in the open you could feel the heat coming up off the track. The sweat dripping off our elbows and knees was turning to steam before it even touched the ground. Well maybe thats a little bit of bullshit, but you get the idea.

We nailed a bunch of controls but never got out as far as the water point as we thought we would run out of time. I also had two flats in the front, one of which nearly caused me to steam off track and huck-to-head in the rocks. They were fixed quick though and it was poor planning and a little bit of erroneous navigation that cost us time during the event.

We headed back down the descent of Puketiro Loop, nipping into the woods to claim more controls and then headed up Battle Hill to collect the remaining controls we could reach. We ended up back at the finish with 30mins to go. Easily enough time to pick up more than enough points to win the event, but we planned our route a bit poorly and all the remaining controls were out of reach. Shame, but it is that kind of event. The cunning can out fox the stupid singlespeeders - and they did.

We swam and put our gladrags on for the extremely well done BBQ. Plowed through much meat and fruit and then got awarded with some beers for getting 2nd in Open men and 3rd overall. A great result considering our amateur errors!

It was good to see Sifter and Simon come in. Sifter looked like he had been beasted by a rhino and Simon looked pretty good. Sifter said it was the hike-a-bike stuff that got the better of him in the end. They must have done some serious work, as John is an animal and not easily thwacked like that. Matt Farrar and Ian Paintin, seriously able Vet XC racers, got the 8hr win, putting Sifter/Simon into 2nd by about 10pts out of 1700pts!. Close stuff.

Next year we'll field more Bushlove Teams. It really was a mint event and was organised impeccably well by some very dedicated chaps. It was fantastic to get out and ride some unseen trails and never know what was round the corner for the whole time.

I felt pretty knacked by the time I got home, only to realise I was locked out. Luckily I have nice neighbours who fed me curry and beer while I waited for my wife, Amie, to return.

A cracking day out - Big ups to my Bushloving Team Buddy, Nick, for recruiting me. Nick is a champ to ride with, always in good spirits, never winced at the hardest sections and was bloody strong, riding his SS machine where I had to crawl on all fours. Good man.

Oh - The title bit about nearly dieing. I forgot.... Turns out there is a native nettle called the Ongaonga. It has killed animals and one person apparently. What a hard fecking plant. It was in the forest in certain locations which we advised to us by the orgs. Nick got a bit on his leg though we think and it gave him a bit of grief. So maybe we were not as close to death as the post title suggests, but you never know. At least we learned something about native killer bush. One not to love.

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Slacky in Bushlove Gloryfest

After a thoroughly crap 3 weeks of recovery from being hideously sick in Auckland, I headed up to Wanga-Vegas for the NZ Masters Games, for 2 things, A bit of a lark, and a return to downhill, however basic it might be.

the Xc was a by-product, but it did provide me with a good chance to see how my body had recovered fully, or even IF it had.

I rocked up to the Games village about 12 on the sat and paid my monies and got my free stuff (w00t). Then headed out to the track for a looksee. 

Got to catch up with some other old-skoolers such as the Rhino racing boys and Stinky. Vinnee was there also and Lukee Simmonds turned up late, as he thought it was next weekend.

I pretty much decided to mainly check out the DH course, and did so. WAs nice and short, albeit with a yucky uphill in it. Nothing hard, but some really fun bits. Found out that it was really really easy to overshoot the bigger jump at the halfway point, and it was well faster doing the small one. Decided to do a lap of the XC track to scope it a wee bit, as the Dh course I had nailed and sorted pretty quickly.

The XC track was super fun, no long climbs (bonus for me),

fun singletrack descents (more bonus for me, and short, at only 18 mins a lap.

I had to go out and do another lap, as I'd lost my favourite water bottle, so 2 laps in the cracking heat, but I still felt pretty darn good.

Went into town for a feed, and luckily Coxie had reconemended Stell*r for a good steak. He's right, it was the bomb. After feeding my face, I headed back out there, to sleep in the Van for the night and pretty up by bikes for the raceday.

Come the race, and I was fizzing to go. XC race was in the morning, and it was pretty darn warm.

Not to worry, my new Burkes tinelli kit breathes pretty well. Took off and settled in behind wiley old skooler Steve Pedley. My plan was to sit behind whoever was fast for the first 2 laps and then have a crack after that. That plan lasted till the 2nd climb. Tho coach might be happy to know that I didn't go full wally, I kept a small amount in reserve. Cannondale Carl sat in behind me, and we set off in a C/dale freight train. Quickly put a gap on Steve, and set about racing. I'd get a small gap on the downs, and carl would close it back up on the climbs. I kept looking at my HR and it was pretty high, so I ignored it, cos I was feeling pretty good and comfy. At the end of the second lap, Carl stopped for a bottle and I got a wee gap. I ran with it and put my head down, going for the plan of outa sight, outa mind. Luckily it stuck and I picked up the hurt a bit and eked the gap out. On the last lap I knew I had a decent gap, and could afford to ease up a bit. but I thought my body and mind needed a good hammerfest, so I kept the pin in and kept the hammer down. Finished feeling like I could have kept the pace for another lap too. That felt really good.

Sat down after and feed my face with lots of real mens race food like sausages and bread and pies, and .......ahhh actually no, I had a salad, with tuna. Starch free sucks ass!!!

Drank lots tho, cos it was pretty darn hot.

Got changed outa my jeyboi lycra and into my Raceface pants, and Sam Hill FanBoi shoes for the DH and walked up the DH (oh yeah, it's that old skool). The old legs were feeling a bit wobbly and empty, but I was feeling pretty confident, and to be honest, not really that fussed. I knew I'd prolly have it anyway. Race run went ok, wussed out at the entrance into the chute up the top, and brakechecked. Mentally ticked myself of, so I pedalled down the chute to make up for it. Grovelled up the climb, and rode the rest in control, clean and smooth was always my moto in the good old days, and I still tend to adhere to that. Mainly cos I'm such a big pussy.

Pretty shagged by the finish tho, but at elast it gave Jean a chjance to mock someone.......me. Bit disapointed there was no photographers for my sick jump (snigger)at the end.

2nd run  was up and the can of relentless that I drank on the way up wasn't fully empty, so after I crushed it and put it in my pocket like a tidy kiwi, I got a wet botty. Excited by this, I was amped up a bit more (that or the caffine/taurine/million other cancer causing chemicals). I had scoped out the run in to the chute inbetween runs, so managed to will myself not to brakecheck this time. the rest of the run was much the same as the first. Very similar to the old days, where my runs were quite often very close in time. Jean informed me that I had gotten another gold, and I must say I was pretty happy. I had expected it, but it's mountainbiking and anything can happen.

So in all, I had a ball, got a few Gold Medals, rained glorious Victory upon Bushlove (as the rest of the team hasn't been pulling their weight recently outside of Mono at the 1st 2 rounds of nats) and caught up with some old mates.

I don't think I'll go down to Dunners next year, but when it comes back to Wanga-Vegas I'll be back for more at the MAsters games. I might even give a few other events a crack just for fun. Stinky reckons Social Pairs Petanque is the go for being able to hold a beer in one hand and play a game all day long. I urge all crusty old barstards and bastardettes, regardless of skill levels (cos they have rec, sport and expert grades) to give it a crack if you get a chance. Very low pressure way to give Downhill racing a crack.

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Mono Bungs Himself

On Sunday the second round of the N-Duro Summer Cup was raced under the scorching Rotorua sun. The clouds were absent, the wind wasn't there and the thermometer read 24 degrees at 9:30 am. Erk.

I'd had a cold all week, and only got out for 1 short lap of the tip track on Wednesday, so wasn't sure how I'd feel on race day. After getting smashed at the start of round 1 (Something to do with 150 people all jonesing for the same bit of single track...) I tried to get a better start this time. While I was on the second row I got off to a right crapper, and a seemingly endless flow of people cut my lunch at every opportunity. After the first few bits of singletrack (and getting buzzed on the leg by a passing rider - not quite the same as "on your right", but whatever...) I settled into a decent pace, the delicious meat in an R&R sandwich, with Mr. Ed behind me, BGA in front of me and Connor in front of him. I had already started planning my race from this point, looking forward to the climbs up Direct Road and Frontal Lobotomy, when I experienced some sort of skill/concentration issue. On a simple, unassuming bit of Soakhole I binned it, in rather spectacular fashion - OTB, off the track to the right and bounced off a very large log, did a mean head-stall, before coming to rest in the foliage with my right leg through my front triangle...

First thing I did was start wiggling my fingers and trying to rotate my left wrist - I've broken it 3 times before, and I'm always worried about it when I go down. That's right, when I go down. Anyway, once I'd decided it wasn't too badly hurt I got untangled, and dragged my trusty Scott over to the other side of the trail. As rider after rider passed they almost all asked if I was OK, which was nice. I stood there, hunched over my machine, trying to collect my thoughts. I gave up after a few minutes. They're still somewhere towards the end of Soakhole if anyone sees them.

I decided to push on, as I didn't think the wrist was too bad... just sore. I managed to get past a few people on the next couple of trails, before hitting Direct Road and Frontal. My legs felt strong in this section, which was really encouraging. As I got near the exit of Frontal I turned across a rut on the trail, and burped my front tyre. As I don't normally take a pump or quickfill I was left to ride the remainder of the course with around 15psi in my front tyre... not ideal in such grippy conditions. I rode like a Nana on the downhills (Even more than usual) and smashed the flats and climbs to make up time. Unfortunately I couldn't regain any of the time I lost on the downhill sections, and ended up in 13th place in Open Men, over 20 minutes slower than the front runners.

I managed to get an ice pack from the N-Duro guys at the finish which was great, and I think it helped keep any swelling down pretty well. Once I jumped in the car and left Vegas for Welly the wrist started throbbing a bit, and the swelling started to get worse.

I've had a wee check up with a physio today who thinks the end of my radius might be cracked, and I've definitely done a fair bit of ligament and tendon damage. I get a proper assessment tomorrow, so hoping for better news then - hoping the 35ish km I rode on it didn't make it much worse than it might have been already.... time will tell.

Anyway, it's only a wrist. I have a spare.

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