The Accounts for the year ended 31 March 2011

Accounts for the year ended 31 March 2011

The auditors have been through and are happy to sign the accounts off containing the following result.

Income: Minta
Expenses: Meh
Profit for the year: Winning
Tax: Dodged
Net profit after Tax: Charlie Sheen.

The Team found a great income opportunity in FY11 with the leasing out of Slackmeister to the Monster energy DH Team. In exchange for a paltry $9,990 (excl GST) per event, Monster gets a racer who has extensive palmares including the Masters Games XC and DH titles and performs botty grinders upon request.

Monster also benefit from his exceptional wrenching skills at a gift of a rate of $4,990 (excl GST) per day. Their gain is Wellington’s loss as Slackshanks is the go-to guy for a lot of riders. But screw them, as the yield on our arrangements is gigantic as we only pay Slacky enough to keep him in Family Buckets of the Colonel’s finest and a small selection of the more risqué naturist website subscriptions he holds.

Slackattack did brilliantly in the FY11 racing season and is in line for a portion of the $49,990 (excl GST) performance bonus we wrote into his Monster contracts.
Granted it is a pretty shit and demeaning portion, at a venomously insulting $19.00 (excl GST), but it gets him another bucket and a couple of hours sniffing around the pension-drawing lasses on his favourite sites. But all revenues go into the Team’s bullion dealing account and everyone in the team benefits after Clive has drawn his 70% management fee and the other team members (excl those on Monster secondments) have deducted their various administrative fees to the tune of 29.98%.

Another valuable line of revenue has been in Kah’s product endorsements. We are reaping a splendid $8.75HKD for every frame sold in Australasia.



Via the BLR wholly owned subsidiary, “Nick_K Looks Like Harry Potter NZ Ltd”, a total of $35,350.00 (excl GST) was received from hapless wand-waving look-a-like appearances at children’s parties, themed civil unions and the Armageddon festival in Wellington. All feedback suggests the $353.50 per appearance is cheap considering the incredible likeness and the commitment with which Kennedy does his Quiddich routine and flirts provocatively with any Ron Weasley types attending the event. So a lift to $375 per gig doesn’t seem out of the question.


Harry caught napping whilst eating at a Mexican Potter themed civil union in Feb.
Although too late to include in the FY11 accounts, the Team will also realize considerable revenue from Tony’s appearances as Tony the Tiger at key events like Singlespeed races, team relays and bar mitzvahs.





Kellogg’s are coming to the party with a valuable 199GBP per appearance, which we are taking in multiple sets of $11.99NZD disc brake pads ex CRC so we duck GST on import. Kosher.



Extensive media whoring is adding to the bottom line. Ashley even got on the TV. Wonny Jaghorn and Hundy Bennett made appearances in global publications like the Wellingtonian and Hutt News and Davo found himself on the cover of NZMTBR, although this proved to be an expense due to the bottomless coffee tab provided to Mr Patton in exchange.



The blog is trying to capture as many cool kiwi rider blogs as we can find and this will prove to be a valuable income stream once we start invoicing their owners. We reckon a good completely fair scheme is to charge based on the number of posts they do and will therefore be indicative of their position in the blogroll, driving traffic. So Oli can expect to have his accounts hit hard. Hiskey’s invoice will probably just get lost in number rounding. If we are missing any cool blog, especially from Wellingtonians, please let us know on workbanterATbushloveracing.com.

Cheers
Leonidas - Press Sec.