Wellington Needs More Bikinis

I decided that to contribute to this cycling-related blog I will go and actually ride a bike. So I saddled up to go on perve fashion ride in search of bikini-clad lovelies who are dehydrated and drunk after shopping and spending time baking in the sun.

So I slathered myself in coconut oil (no cancer fear mongering sunscreen pusher is going to con me),
picked my white Wheelworks kit to go with my white fashion bike - ruing lack of matching team shorts. A quick check to make sure my colour-matching cycling cap (I decided my recently polished helmet might be too *ahem* shiny) was set at a jaunty angle I went round the bays in saunter-y pace.


I was looking forward to Island Bay, Lyall Bay and that one long beach just before Brenda's Pass for some good bikinis. The usual spots had some good bikini spotting, but one particular alcove after the late Chocolate Fish had some particularly fine skimpily-clad lovelies. They were well-balanced, full-bodied (in the right places), with aromatic fruity undertones, and a delight to on the tongue. I counted 4, but one on second (and third) inspection was a little too chubby for my liking.

After the requisite lap and rubber-necking I carried on towards my destination of Oriental Bay. Now, I've been riding for about 40 minutes, but no cyclist going the other way had returned my jovial wave. I finally figured out it was because they were too busy giving longing looks at my hairy gams. These cyclists have resigned themselves that they will no longer match my coconut-scented masculine musk after relinquishing their manliness for the sake of fitting in.

When I arrived at Oriental Bay the bikinis demanded that I stay for a little longer - ice cream was the perfect excuse. The vision of this lanky Adonis with the white lycra clearly defining his muscles approaching the ice cream was too much for some. But the ice cream deserved all the gentle sensitivity, firm pressure and little nibbles I was enjoying.

After my manly eating and exuding pheromones from my sweaty perineum that had been rubbed repeatedly on my saddle it was time to leave the bikini lovelies and head home. Once home the white bike looked a little worn out from the exuberant activity, so with some frotting I produced my organic bike wax and lube and gave the bike a once over.