Slacky's Mt Vic PNP ravings

As hard as I am, it's is apparent than a Black Honda Odyssey, plate number DPQ 335, is harder than I am. The lovely island lady driving said vehicle decided to sideswipe me on the way up to the Velodrome on Tuesday night and then run away. I hit the deck on the lovely super grippy road surface at the top of Wellington Rd. Great for tires, not so much for skin. Bruised and battered and missing some skin tis I.

But Meh, we all want more race reports. So here's mine.

- I awoke to the sight of blue sky making like a peeping tom thru my bedroom window and I rolled over to realise !!!feck!! it's 8am, I thought I set the alarm for 6:45. Bacon and Eggs quickly scoffed, then bib shorts on, rest of clothes, quickly sort my shit out, get the to infallible 10 min mark from putting the bibs on and need to go for a poo/pre race lightening. Get re-dressed, realise my legs aren't shiny enuff, so suss that issue. Ride to the race, sift, more sift, and a lil bit more sift. Decided I should warm up, so start lapping out the Velodrome, do quite a few laps, till I realise that my ipod isn't actually on, tho it is in my ears. Do a few more laps. Watch the elite start, do a few laps of the infield, get hit on by SC and OC, realise that they are only human and have no control over their intense attraction of me so make witty comment.
Line up at the start and mock Davo loudly for only having one gear. More witty banter ensues.
Race starts, I look around and wonder why no-one is near me as I once again show my complete domination over the Velodrome. Leave the velodrome, and the riders quickly file past me as I ride backwards. Decide to let a few riders go off ahead, cos well, they are faster than me. I do notice that Angry Clive has opened a gap on Shanksey. So I lead the rest of the best up the climb with Carl, Jonty, Angry, Josh, Shanksey and Boss Ross out in front by a country mile. Hit the down and I open the taps, which was to be my theme of the day. Pull back time on Boss Ross, and snake a pass. Had Shanksey and Angry in sight at rooty climb, Boss Ross passes me back and small gap opens. Back down again, and pull back boss Ross and angry., sneak past Boss Ross and then soon after Angry, tap up and gap them both. Angry comes back at Alexandra Rd, pretty sure I got a louder cheer from his kids than he did........to be expected. Pull hot inside pass on Angry as he daintily went around the roots, I tapped it over the inside and gapped. Finish that lap. Tony Teo catches me up on the climb and informs me angry has had a tanty and broke his bike as the sight of my shiny calves has demoralised him so much. This raises my confidence too high, and not long after he gaps me on the climb. Looking back I notice Boss Ross gaining on my and decide I should pull my thumb outa my date and get on with it. Tony Teo is standing up and caning the climb. Knew he was hurting himself, I clicked up and accelerated. Caught him somewhere (I can't remember) and put a small gap on him. Buggar came back, but he wasn't gapping as quick on the climbs as he had been. Put a bit of a gap on him, and kept working it. Caught Josh near the velodrome and he let me thru, so he could make like Cadel. So I towed him for a while till the road went up and he went all Riccardo Ricco on me and took off. Tony Teo was somewhere back there, and Shanksey had been previsouly passed as he was looking rather smashed. Tried to minimise the gap to the Yoga Master as much as poss the the veiny one was climbing super well. Opened up the taps well and truely on the down and caught him at Charles Plimmers. Yoga gapped me on my nemesis climb to Alexandra rd, but I missioned back and Aired off the Soccer Field and cranked it back onto his wheel. His Yoga Master senses let him know the calves of doom were angry and coming and he graciously moved over. I Launched myself into the nether off the roundabout and powered out a small gap. I suspect both of us were running on the reserve tank at that point, and it was a last ditch attempt on my part. But I held the gap and even increased it by the end a small amount.
Broken I was by the end, but 3rd I was behind one of the legends of Welly Mtb and a freak on a 30lb trailbike.
Thus ends my story